Its not too bad I suppose

[justfred]

Its not all that bad in my twilight nursing home
if you can bear the stale smells
of the other inhabitants
and their bad breath
and the mashed up food which is pulp
for the sake of the toothless.

At least I take a bath once a fortnight
even though I dont like sharing
with that pakistani fellow Mr Ali
who always reeks of curry
and lets off stinky air from his back end
in our bath causing brownish bubbles.

That reminds me of what happened
only last week when the ministry
sent some bloody inspector round
and he came into our ward
you could see his beaky nose wrinkle
in distaste which was tactless we thought.

He asked what the toiletty smell was
not knowing its what we have to put up with day in day out
unless our family on the outside
pay extra for a private room
and not many bother after all
its not as though theyre the ones who suffer is it.

The male nurse on duty that day
(the one we call the captain)
asked all of us who had let the side down
and wet himself (or herself, its a mixed ward
which I dont approve of as I dont want
to see anything disgusting anymore).

Well no one owned up so the captain
went round sniffing at everyone
until he came to Mrs Jones squatting in the corner
and the captain said why hadnt she owned up
that she had done one in her pants today
and Mrs Jones said it had happened yesterday.

O dear lord I still love you elisabeth
I even wish you were here
in this hellhole of a place
waiting for death
and not mouldering in your grave
but at least you avoid the squidgy mashed up food.

[Stanley Brown]

Dear Fred, If you can't think of anything better to write about that sharing a bath with an Asian then I think you should zip your mouth up. Who wants to read about things like that and people wetting themselves as well is off limits for me in poetry. Thank you very much, your friend Stanley Brown.

[Daphne]

Ignore Stanley, he's the guy who put the "Burke" in the Burkeshire Hunt.

[justfred]

The food was a bit better today as mrs jones and mrs wilkins in the terminal ward passed on and we had extra meat to share between us.

[Barry Hodges, Bard of Gosforth]

A trult tragic tale!

[justfred]

mrs jenkins and old mr crosby both had coronaries when they heard about maggie thatcher going belly up so we got their portions for a week until the nurses spotted their corpses - the whole ward has cheered up a lot now that thatcher has snuffed it.