Post by Barry Hodges, Bard of Gosforth on Jan 31, 2012 14:19:40 GMT
It was such a lovely Autumn day
When I was there on Hastings Esplanade
My latest piece of fluff upon my arm,
A gorgeous piece of flesh, but rather thick,
In fact, dimmer than a ten watt bulb,
But a hottie in the bed depot.
After horizontal refreshment
Of the most lustful nature one could think,
We strolled along the Prom, still sticky,
When we passed a family of freaks:
A gang of obese human caricatures,
Waddling along on overburdened legs.
When I compared their flabby grossness
To the beauty of my dear but dim companion
I was struck dumb with the tragedy of it:
How had they become so fat and gross?
And then they turned and trundled café-wards
To fill up on another giant burger or three.
O, McDonalds, Burger King and Wendy:
How much blame must we attach to you
And your ghastly products, oozing grease,
Stuffed with needless calories and scraps
Of lowest quality chook and cow,
Served up in a tasteless white-floured bun?
And, looking all around me on the Prom
I saw dozens of the bloated proletariat:
Squeezed into their stretched Size 24 jeans,
Grunting as they lurched heavily along.
How fortunate am I to be heaven-blessed
With self-control and common sense.
And on we walked westwards to St Leonards
To admire the stately splendour of Marina Court,
An art deco building renowned for its disrepair.
Gazing up, we saw a terrible tragic sight
As a fatty leapt to her death from a rusty balcony,
Unable to bear her grotesquerie one more plump day.
How tragedy strikes the very portly and obese
As they must bear the brunt of people's mirth;
But 'tis not their fault they were born to greed,
They are not to blame for their raging hunger.
And I, the famous Bazza, amant extraordinaire
Have consoled a few hefty lardettes dans mon lit.
When I was there on Hastings Esplanade
My latest piece of fluff upon my arm,
A gorgeous piece of flesh, but rather thick,
In fact, dimmer than a ten watt bulb,
But a hottie in the bed depot.
After horizontal refreshment
Of the most lustful nature one could think,
We strolled along the Prom, still sticky,
When we passed a family of freaks:
A gang of obese human caricatures,
Waddling along on overburdened legs.
When I compared their flabby grossness
To the beauty of my dear but dim companion
I was struck dumb with the tragedy of it:
How had they become so fat and gross?
And then they turned and trundled café-wards
To fill up on another giant burger or three.
O, McDonalds, Burger King and Wendy:
How much blame must we attach to you
And your ghastly products, oozing grease,
Stuffed with needless calories and scraps
Of lowest quality chook and cow,
Served up in a tasteless white-floured bun?
And, looking all around me on the Prom
I saw dozens of the bloated proletariat:
Squeezed into their stretched Size 24 jeans,
Grunting as they lurched heavily along.
How fortunate am I to be heaven-blessed
With self-control and common sense.
And on we walked westwards to St Leonards
To admire the stately splendour of Marina Court,
An art deco building renowned for its disrepair.
Gazing up, we saw a terrible tragic sight
As a fatty leapt to her death from a rusty balcony,
Unable to bear her grotesquerie one more plump day.
How tragedy strikes the very portly and obese
As they must bear the brunt of people's mirth;
But 'tis not their fault they were born to greed,
They are not to blame for their raging hunger.
And I, the famous Bazza, amant extraordinaire
Have consoled a few hefty lardettes dans mon lit.